I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
