Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
