Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
bring money and cleavage
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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