She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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