another moral hangover. fuck.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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