I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
