No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
