Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
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