mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You don't make any sense
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