my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
