Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
