I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You were trust falling into bushes
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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