Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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