"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She's the barista slut.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
