yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
