So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Bring me that man meat
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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