Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
