it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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