the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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