I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
