why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
