Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
