The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
