Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
