oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
