Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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