Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
dude. I can hear the air.
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