Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
