I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
