just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
