DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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