he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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