she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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