I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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