The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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