hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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