If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
