she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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