It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
