I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
the night ended with taco bell and tears
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
