if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
