My Higher Power is John Stamos
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
