just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
