So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
