i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
