problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Randomize
