Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
home. puking in laundry basket.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
