Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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