she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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