i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
