I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
