he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
